Marriage Insights: Created to be his helpmeet

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In NO way am I an expert on marriage. Truthfully, some days I feel like I know nothing. My almost 7 years with Kyle has been a learning experience for us both. What I HAVE learned so far has been a game changer and why would I want to keep it all to myself?

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This book has revolutionized my view towards marriage & MY role as a wife. I was given “Created to Be His Help Meet” at my wedding shower almost 7 years ago and did not truly “dive in” to its pages until almost too late, when I was fixing what could have been prevented had I read it in the first place. Now I can say I have read, highlighted, read some more, re-read…. And have found all the gems to share with you.  I hope you enjoy some of my favorite parts & maybe you can relate to how they’ve impacted me.

WARNING: This book may encourage marital bliss

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Are you a jewel to your husband?

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“By being a crown to her husband, she is winning his love and appreciation ,

thus she gets treated much better than if she stood against him….

She is bringing honor to God by fulfilling her calling as a Help meet”

I hope I’m seen as a jewel not an old rock! I’m daily looking for ways to be a crown, even though I often fail miserably, I’m glad there’s someone BIG who always notices my efforts!

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Difference between a good marriage and a bad one…

“The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives versus bad husbands and bad wives, for all marriages are made up of 2 sinners with lots of faults. A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the others faults, to love the other as he or she is and not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance. A bad marriage is not one that contains more faults between the 2 of them; it is a marriage where one or  both of them gets worked up over issues that good marriage partners let slide and cover up with love and forgiveness. When a woman gets in her mind that she must change her husband before she will allow him to relax in the security of her honor & respect, she will never see so much as the bottom side of a good marriage, except when she is kissing hers goodbye.

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Two wrongs don’t make a good marriage. One “right ” can make a BIG difference in a marriage

It is our choice to love as Christ, selflessly, even if the other chooses the opposite. Maybe not immediately, but The Lord WILL honor a right heart & servant’s attitude.

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Stinkin’ thinkin’

“40,000 thoughts a day… Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.

How many 1,000’s of negative thoughts are you thinking in the course of 3 or 4 hours?

It is your duty before God to think differently. God tells you how to think.

When the emotions will not freely allow us to think what we aught,

our will can command our muscles to actions and the thoughts will follow. “

Commit thy works to The Lord, and your thoughts shall be established” (prov. 16:3)

There was a time in my life that my thought life was attacked at every minute , every hour. My days were miserable and I became overcome with worry, stress, anger, you name it . A friend of mine had been reading a book by Beth Moore  and she told me that she read how Satan must leave at the sound of Jesus’ name. So I decided when these thoughts came I would proclaim the name of Christ and Satan would be “cast down”. It went a little something like this:

(Ugly thought)
“Jesus, go before me, Satan, get behind me!”

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…and in my mind I would invision satan running away in defeat. I grabbed hold of those thoughts (casting down imaginations) and made a conscience effort to CHANGE what I was thinking. I’m telling you, this has worked for me!

You might be constantly reminded of an unkind word spoken,  betrayal, loss, gossip, grudges, and this stinkin thinking consumes your mind . You can change it , practice makes perfect!

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Loving your man: being a minister

“Loving him means putting his needs before your own. I am a minister.

If you are a wife, you, too, are a minister.

Our ministry is directed toward our husbands and then our children.

We were, and are, created to be help meets.

Every day and every night we need to be ready to minister to his needs. “

I like the part about directing our ministry toward our husbands first , THEN our children. This is something I have to constantly work on. All of us have experienced “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”.  My husband doesn’t yell at me from the other room to help him off the potty or cry because someone took his toy… He doesn’t demand my attention and sometimes I cater to who NEEDS me most at that moment.

I’ve put a new ritual into practice at our home…when serving up supper (homemade or not)

I will fill my husband’s plate first (even if the kids are fussing) and then my girls next, myself last.

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“When you make your husband’s needs central,

you will get turned on to the experience and enjoy it yourself.

We don’t minister to others because WE are blessed-

we minister to others because we want to BlESS THEM.

It is completely incidental that the by-product of selflessly

blessing others should result in our being blessed also.

It is not in seeking personal fulfillment that she Is fulfilled,

rather, it is in doing her duty to bless him, that a blessing is returned upon her”

 

. I’m blessed when I am a blessing.

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Mr. President

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She is reverencing her husband , not because her husband is a fit representative of Christ, and not because He is a worthy substitute, but because God placed her in subjection to her husband. When it gets humanly ridiculous to obey that lousy man, when he gives her every reason NOT to respect him, there is only one controlling factor left-God. This woman is obeying and reverencing God, and no one else.

“When you neglect to reverence your husband, you are taking something precious away from yourself, your children, and your husband. “

When the president of the United States makes a public

appearance in one of the fifty states, even if he is not popular

in that state, everyone spends time and energy preparing for him.

When he arrives he is treated with respect.

It is not the man or his policies that the people are recognizing,

it is the office and all that it stands for.

God made your husband the “president” of your family.”

“The more I show my husband reverence, the more he treasure me and treats me like his queen.

God made man so that our deference and respect feed

his tendency to show tenderness and to be protective of us. “

Reverence is not just how you act; it is how you feel and how you respond with words and your body language.

 

Quotes I loved:

-When we choose the right way, feelings will soon follow-

-It’s not about our happiness; it’s about our holiness-

-It is your job to sell him-

-The rough and repulsive things fell away one by one, changing to loving kindness, not because she demanded it , but because she won him to herself by her chaste conversation-

-My husband does not lose any dignity by being in subjection to Christ, nor do I lose any dignity by being in subjection to my husband-

-God will rescue a trusting heart-

-Remember, he doesn’t have to be right or kind for you to react in a godly way-

-When He did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emotionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things, and loved him unconditionally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs. I never say the need to endear myself to him.-

 

*Debi Pearl also has a book for unmarried women called “Preparing to be his helpmeet”

Pictures found:

Created to be his helpmeet book via pinterest

Proverbs 31 wife: “She does him good” created by me. Download here

Beautiful marriage via pinterest

Good thoughts via pinterest

I love you like buscuits & gravy via pinterest

“Raise your words” created by me. Download here

34 thoughts on “Marriage Insights: Created to be his helpmeet

  1. Praying that God will use your experiences, your insight and His Word to be a blessing and reach many to have fulfilled and Christ-honoring marriages. Love you!!

  2. What about a blessing you are Lauren. I’m certainly enjoying your blogs and can’t wait to read more. Thanks this one was so special

  3. Who in the world gives a gift like that at a wedding shower?! 😉 love you, Lauren, may The Lord use you mightily! He is forever faithful!

  4. I am glad I saw your moms Facebook post about your blog. Your family, and their love for Christ inspires me, and challenges me, to be a better Christian. I have been trying to be a more Godly wife (and learning what it truely means to be one) and this blog was exactly what I needed at just the exact moment I needed it. Thank you. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I have met you a few times while working with your mom, and wish I had gotten to know you better before we moved out of Kentucky, because you are a beautiful person inside and out!

    1. So glad to hear it was a blessing Sarah! This book really has spoke to me and maybe it would be a good nightly read for you when the little ones go to sleep.

  5. LOVED the post, Lauren! I know that I am not even engaged to Christopher yet, but I always love reading things like this to prepare for future marriage. I try to practice some of these things in our relationship now, and it honestly is a blessing. Not always easy, but it always worth it! I’ll definitely be ordering “Preparing to be his helpmeet”!

    1. So glad you enjoyed it Emily! You should also read “preparing to be his helpmeet” the link is at the bottom of the post:)

  6. I’m like Emily I’m not married or engaged. I have no idea what the future holds only god does. I downloaded the book preparing to be his helpmeet. And it has already been such a blessing. If we don’t pray for our future husband then who wiill? Lauren you posts are so inspiring.

    1. Oh my goodness Lindsey!! So excited to hear that the post was a blessing. Your right, we have to be the ones praying for THE ONE The Lord has for us. What a lucky man that will be when he becomes your husband and you are fully prepared to be his helpmeet! Keep seeking Gods direction and preparing yourself for that ONE, go girl!

  7. I expected to find a famous quote from your mother under quotes…she once told me that love was an action word. Not only do I think of it often in my marriage, but I teach it to my students in the format of being better citizens to each other and the world. Bless you in this endeavor.

    1. Haha that is one of her best quotes! I was just adding quotes from the book that I loved but I should add that one in:)

  8. I loved this post. I am so glad I was led to you through Instagram. Today is officially one month until my wedding, and as excited as I am for that event, I want to be even more focused on my marriage to come and starting it Christ-centered. This post was great for me to read and now I want to order that book!

    Thank you for sharing!

    Caitlin

    1. Caitlin, I’m so glad this was a blessing! I’m telling you that you won’t regret reading this book. There are bits and pieces that seem strange but for the most part it is super advice!! Can’t wait to see wedding photos !! May God bless your marriage richly!

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  10. Such an inspiring post. Marriage is HARD no matter how “good” it is. It’s about being selfless and unfortunately we as humans struggle with that. Thank you for the inspiring words. I need to remember to put Kevin first whether I feel like it or not. I’m gonna get the book 🙂
    I suggest Andy Stanley’s podcast “staying in love” for similar wisdom. Has been very helpful for me when my thought life gets out of control in regard to my marriage.

  11. I stumbled upon your sight on accident. I do not believe in any of the foolishness that you have in your blog. I find it sickening that you tend to your husband before your own babies. He is a grown man for GOD sakes! I guess it makes you feel better to pray to a god, just as it would make a child feel believing in Santa. If you do your research you will see that what you believe in is not true at all. All the science backs it up. Many scientists are atheists as were the founding fathers of our country.. I actually knew your husband from symmes valley and its finny how you blog about your life …nobody cares about your chambray tops or letters to god..but I guess if it makes you feel better…

    1. I can understand you saying that the information on my blog is “foolishness”, as you seem to suggest that you are an atheist. I do believe the Bible when it says, “the wisdom of the world is foolishness to God.” (1 Cor. 3:19a) so I guess you believe the wisdom of the Bible is foolishness and God believes the wisdom of the atheistic scientists is foolishness… One thing for sure, one day we will all see what is true… And the thing about truth is that it doesn’t need either of us to confirm it. I also must disagree with a couple of your other statements… First, with regards to putting my husband first, I want to express that never does that priority bring the slightest of neglect for my girls… sometimes my order of response changes, but I try to never allow that to affect the priority of my husband… Also your statement that “no body cares” about my blog topics… In fact, there are many people who have expressed their appreciation. It’s always a stretch to try and pull everyone into our personal opinions… But thank you for yours.

  12. Hi Lauren! I am a new Christian from the UK so read your post with interest! I haven’t come across the part of the bible that says we must put our husbands before our children yet – can you please tell me the bible reference? Thank you! Xxx

    1. Hey Cassie!
      Eph 5:32 I believe instructs husbands to love their wife and wives to reverence their husbands… This does not require that we set a hard and fast order, only that we do not neglect him because we are unbalanced in our priorities. If my children, my mother, or my neighbor has a need that is more urgent than my husband’s. My attending to their need does not mean that I am neglecting my husband for them, only that I am responding appropriately to the needs at hand. Nor does my telling my daughters they will have to wait because mommy is helping daddy, does not mean that I do not love them deeply and am neglecting them. Jesus required the adults to wait when he said “suffer the.little children to come unto me” and also said that a husband and wife must be “one flesh.” I don’t believe the Bible ever endorses a “one size fits all” response. Our deep love for our children and our husband allows us to honor God as we prioritize in the moment.

      Thanks for reading and its great to hear about your new found life!! Hope your day is lovely!!

  13. Hi Lauren! I am new to your blog. I so loved the words of wisdom you have spoken! This shows me how to have a softer kinder heart and heart for service not to only others but my husband who God made for me. Thank you!!

    1. Tracy I am so excited to hear it was an encouragement to you. I’m still trying to practice what I’ve written in this post. But The Lord definitely blesses a servants heart in a wife!

  14. I stumbled across your Instagram and read this, along with several of your other posts. You have great things to say and this was an inspiring post. I got married in April and we are still trying to figure out the dynamic and how things work in a marriage. Anyway, I was just reading the comments and it just baffled me how an above commenter was so rude to you without even knowing you! It’s clear that people DO like to read your blog and take your advice, whether it be on marriage or your super cute outfits and adorable little girls! I also don’t understand people stating that they are atheists and that comment just appalled me. Anyway, I don’t know you either, but just wanted to say you should keep doing what you’re doing! People appreciate your blog and your advice. Just wanted to put in my two cents. 🙂

    1. Lauren, I can’t tell you what an amazing encouragement you have been! Thank you for taking the time to comment so thoughtfully! Will you comment back with your Instagram handle so I can find you? 🙂 thank you so so much again, I pray for a marriage centered in a Christ, always searching for ways to better yourselves for your spouse! That’s my prayer!! Xo L

  15. Lauren, I just found your blog and I love it! Thank you for being an encouragement to me through this post. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband but most importantly honor Christ in my actions. I am going to pick up this book! Thank you!

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